You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
