well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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