New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Randomize
