apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
