Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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