Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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