I could have mohawked her pubes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
