So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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