its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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