in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
