He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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