I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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