Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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