Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I checked into jail on foursquare
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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