sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Farmville is her only friend.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
