your thong is hanging out like whoa
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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