Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
