She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
