Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
