I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
