Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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