it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
