I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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