I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
