and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
