i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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