do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
