I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
