one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
