My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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