I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
