he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
