Can Purell be used as lube?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
