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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
