did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
