how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
