you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
