in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
