Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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