Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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