i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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