if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
