my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
