Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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