If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now