im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
operation have a gay friend backfired
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger