It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..