oh good, I think they're gone
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?