ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that