At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...