My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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