He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
