i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
