Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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