My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
