btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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