Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
