I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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