Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
not ubering you a puppy
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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