I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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