you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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