I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Randomize
