dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
