Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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