i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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