I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
