the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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