Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
