i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
