had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
