No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
