he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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