it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize