im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dick very happy bro
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I enjoy the company of your penis
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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