My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
