I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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