I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
